Beerish

My opinion

Has any asked you before what is love? Some people say that love is unselfish; it’s generous, and scarifying. Yet everyday, I see examples of selfish love, of people who don’t want to share their love ones, even to their friends. Selfish love is also shown, when the person loves him/herself so much more then other people around them. This kind of person is easily identified when people around them, especially the closest ones, always get hurt by this selfish person’s actions.

To me, love is everything that you make it out to be. That’s why people do all these things for love, be it good or bad. Love should be a good motivation, but it also can be a bad motivation as well.

Loving someone

Everyone has different ways of showing their love to someone. Some are loud in expressing their love, some are a tad shyer. Love can range from proposing in National Day in National Stadium, and then appearing in the next day’s headlines, to, while having a simple dinner at home, in the middle of the conversation, lowering your head and just muttering, ‘let’s get a flat.’ However, loving someone to me is very simple. Just follow your heart and give your best at the relationship. I always go by one theory. ‘Don’t do unto others that you don’t want others to do unto you.’ It will never go wrong, on your part, that is.

I used to think that, love, if dealt with responsibly, will have happy endings. Now I know that I’m wrong. Love is not a one sided affair. It takes 2 hands to clap, a person to do and the other to praise. But it just seemed so easy to go with the flow, day by day, months by months, doing what you ought to do and giving your best in the whole relationship, till you don’t even realized that, the light at the end of the tunnel is getting darker and darker, further and further away from your grasp. Then, suddenly, before you even know it, all lights are out.

And when troubles steps in, it’s like a whirlwind that never ends, dragging you around with it. Bewilderment engulfs you as you try to make sense of everything. There are so many hearsays, so many reasons. But in your heart, you still try to defend what is apparently trying to hurt you. Tired, you try to spread your wings and you realized that you are so heavy that your wings can’t lift you. No, you noticed, it’s your heart that is weighing you down. The whirlwind keeps getting stronger and stronger, and with one final thrust of flight, you flew into the sky, struggling for the exit. And you as soon as you step out of the whirlwind, panting, suddenly, the world is clear, the grasslands are greener then they have ever been, and you can hear birds chirping away again.

Suddenly, it dawned onto me, that, unless you find someone that goes by the same theory as you do, if not, you will be just sitting there, looking disdainfully at your partner and his wrongdoings. And you will be in a dilemma, wondering, what has gone wrong, even doubting that, is it actually your fault, that things happen this way. Even though, you very well know, that you didn’t do anything wrong. That was what happened to me.

Learning through experiences

Loving some one used to be so simple. But simple love is always the first to get hurt.
After a while, everyone exercise caution with love. But if that’s the case, is it real love? I admit that it’s a little sad that I think of love this way, but hey, exercise caution, and you can walk a little longer in the garden of Adam and Eve. I have always believed in fairy tale love stories, and I still do, only adding a little reality check in sometimes. Even though you may find the perfect someone that abides by all your relationship theories, things may still happen.

You can believe in yourself, you can believe in your partner, but you can never believe in circumstances. There are many people out there, looking for those kind of love that can be forgotten easily when some thing else comes by. Even when abandoned, they expect the love to be still there, waiting. Well… to me, love is blind. But sudden jolts are able to wake me up.

So even when it didn’t turn out well, you know that it’s not your fault. But there will always be grey areas where you ask yourself,’ should I have given in just a little more?’

Understanding the Person and his Mask

Some one told me before, that it takes a lifetime to know one person truly, and I think that’s true. I have come across many, many examples of some one doing things that I totally did not expect, and it felt that it’s as if I didn’t know the person at all. I’ve come to terms with knowing that, though love comes with trust, you should open your eyes bigger rather then to ‘open’ your heart and hear what your partner has to say. He can use words to defend himself, but ultimately, his actions are a louder example of who he is really is. It’s only when I hear from other people’s point of view, then, that I realized that all the clues have been there all the while.

And to step out of the box to see clearly what has been happening actually gives me a sense of relief. For I know that, I already have given in much more then I really should.

After thoughts

It’s really sad to know that after being so true to the relationship and your partner, in return, what you really saw was just his mask. Isn’t it weird that people will actually hide who he really is from the person that he might be spending his life with? Isn’t it tiring?
Won’t the person love the mask instead of him? And not the person beneath it?

After knowing the person, I suddenly fell out of love. It’s like a sudden jolt from your confusing nightmare. I spent all those sleepless nights, trying to figure out what has gone wrong, thinking why he had done those things to hurt me, when, in actual fact, I shouldn’t even have bothered at all because I tried my best and there is nothing that I can do about it.

Letting go

Understanding the whole situation really helped me in letting go. I can’t deny that I do still sometimes think about the past and is still very shock to find out that some one I trusted is like that. But when you realized that all the things that have happened in the past are a result of his character, you will also realize that there is nothing much you could do. When you are very sure about what are the qualities in a partner that you don’t want, you will let go automatically. Sometimes I wish to just soar into the sky, like an angel, looking down at humans with all these unnecessary troubles. But then again, without sadness, you can never understand happiness.